my first thought when I woke up this morning was “fig is gif backwards”

(via andrewquo)



my dad had surgery today so he is kind of high off his pain meds and he keeps telling me “get me a ham sandwich” and i’m like “no dad we don’t eat ham.. we’re jews’ he goes “ham… ham sandwich please” “dad no no, no ham..” 

now he’s just reading from the dessert menu and my mom is telling him “your doctor said no sugar or anything too heavy…” and he’s going “this is so unfair! this is so unfair to me!”

(via dweebscar)


job interviewer: so…tell me a little about yourself :)
me: sure. i’m a virgo, INTJ, i love tank tops oh my god did you see the Anaconda video? that changed my life!
interviewer: bitch me too! the fuck. you got the job

(via inactiveblogger)


I’m a pretty honest person, but I’m not “Turn Read Receipts On” honest.


Before u make fun of someone’s foreign accent, take some time to think about how they speak more languages than u and how u are a failure

(via mightydong)


women: *are killed, beaten, raped, and put down constantly for hundreds of years just for being women*

woman who is also a feminist: *cracks a joke about men on the internet*

men: ”see this is the problem with feminism it promotes hate speech they’re no better than sexist men why can’t i punch women in the face and why does the guy have to pay on dates #equalitarianism”

(Source: kimyefanclub, via dweebscar)


some white boy: why is it called history— why not herstory? makes u think huh?

y’all: omg he’s a feminist *leaks* imma make a home for his dick inside me.

(via ernbarassing)